End of the STORY?
This was a horrible announcement. Such a looser am I. We are still friends for good.
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You left in the coldest summer 2008...
那剛寫好的信 該寄往哪裡
我對妳的思念何時才能有回應
想念妳的聲音 如此熟悉 我獨自走在人群裡找尋
愛在哪裡？我看不清
妳的臉是否依然清晰
夢中的妳 在哪裡
能不能就讓我們靠近
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有沒有一個名詞或形容詞，既不是「受傷」、「痛苦」，也不傾向「沮喪」，它可以具體形容「我OK的」的狀態，而不帶任何哀怨或可憐的聯想？
如果不簡單的事情逞強的說了容易
你也明白自己的底線
那麼一開始就不要：
不要信誓旦旦說沒問題
不要說有需要就去找你
後來才讓我發現一切是多麼的不妙
最大的問題是你把失望曲解成氣憤
我失望的是無法完成該有的進度
希望我仍保有對自己情緒的控制權
但我不知道我該生什麼氣？求助人是我
我從沒指望一切都會順利美好
你還是說有需要就找你，再試一次絕對搞定
然後你人間蒸發似的消失
失去你，我無所謂
請不要在背後言語中傷
我承認
我自私，現實，為達目的不擇手段
關係一開始就建立在利益交換
可以脆弱的不堪一擊
但偶有亙行堅定的奇蹟
不須有任何的預設立場與期待
緣份本有淡有濃
不必每個都當知己
永遠分不出場面話、官話和真心話
直覺的相信說了就算話
也許我把無心的場面話聽成真心話
我竟又破戒讓自己放了期待進去
還好不是太高
沒有摔的太重
我還挺得住
最近我的心太活躍
必須關警閉一陣子
不要來看我，停止來這個 BLOG
都是陌生人
我反而覺得自在
再次提筆希望可以
暢。
所。
欲。
言。
Jet - Shine On
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When you were here, couldn't look you in the eye.
She has found her favorite song, which describes how she was in love with someone. That person was either kinda understandable or having no idea. They need to start over at every meeting up. Repeat again and again, sort of…
She listened, repeated again, again and again. She has listened 32 times for three hours, until she crushed in bed. At the second morning, the first thing after she got up was listen that song. The voice was full of missing.
She listened, repeated again, again and again. She has listened 12 times for one hour, till she couldn't help leaving for work.
In this way, she has only listened this song for a whole month, repeated for thousand times.
It seemed that she has a crush on someone. So bad! It's an unrequited love. There is no phone call, there is no dates at all. It's just her sweet unrequited love.
Having a crush on someone is really bad. Hope and hopelessness is just one line interval. Her mood was running busily between heaven to hell. That endless song has been played thousand and thousands times. Her fond of someone has been firmly stick for a year. Not sure if one year is short or long. The song kept singing, and the unrequited love still has no further progress. What if there is no reaction from the other side, does she have to still persist in thinking about it. Or just let it go?
One year later, has no clue how many times of listening the song; there is no longer hearing it. And there is no other songs for a long time. Maybe she just needs to be quiet for a while, there will be another song.
Radiohead - Creep
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I might be the only one person in the world who hates holidays.
Precisely speaking, I used to appreciate every holiday no matter how short as weekends or how long as summer vacation, but, I really can't stand the holiday lasting over a week at this moment. Maybe because I don't have any god damn budget to travel other dreamy places, or maybe because I can't meet up some friends as frequent as usual. Well, maybe I become a freaking workaholic that I have to admit but I don't want to. Anyhow, holidays are pretty relax though. The “relax” doesn't mean I have nothing to do and get bored then. I read the books which I didn't have time to read before. I watch a great number of movies one after another. Speaking of which, I really miss my moviegoer pal,Eulie, who went back to Korea for two weeks. I guess the movies she's watched may approach five times than mine. Incredible! Isn't it? I definitely visit those museums and galleries when my feet are under my control. Honestly, they are getting uneasy to be well manipulated. Shoot! Am I really going to be old? For staying young, sometimes I listen music. I love those British Rock Bands. But will it keep me staying young? Whatsoever! This is the song that becomes my favorite one in the beginning of 2008.
The Fray - Over My Head
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By the way, I went shopping but not often though(Again, the budget issue). I like to collect catalogues or brochures. Any kinds would possibly draw my attention. But I wanna say one for special. The Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue sells clothes by showing people who aren’t wearing any. I think this catalogue is for people who are too embarrassed to buy Playboy. Agree?
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Who can forget 2007:
the year in which our writers wouldn't write, our cabbies wouldn't drive, and our stagehands wouldn't stagehand, which was good for me. Speaking of the strikes, I needed to appreciate those warriors. Because of them, I finally had my first broadway show- Chicago-for a $26.50 ticket in the middle of ORCHC area. By the way, it was a great night.
I embraced the finale: Having a great internship in MTV Networks, following up for fall is FirstBorn, whose works are always fascinating.
After a whole semester painful and dreadful team-work communication seminar class, ended up having a “Madness” book and accompanying the backslapping. Hue~ Luckily!
Don't forget my own final survey, I really like this project “Uh!”. I will take shots of each piece after I get back all the works which are still stored in the school cutting room.
This is an abundant year of having tons of movies and series. Yeah~ I can't live without movies, TVs and computers.
Movies I'd seen in 2007:
1. Into the wild
2. Across the universe
3. Lust Caution
4. Superbad
5. Spider-Man 3
6. Factory girl
7. Children of man
8. Waitress
9. The ninth gate
10. Sleepy hollow
11. Edward Scissorhand
12. No reservation
13. Cashback
14. Seven
15. Zodiac
16. A river runs through it
17. 300
18. Three color trilogy
19. The lake house
20. Mr.&Mrs. Smith
21. Brokeback Mountain
22. The terminal
23. Cast away
24. The Davinci code
25. The nightmare before Christmas
26. Corpse Bride
27. Monster house
28. Over the hedge
29. Shrek I, II, and III
30. Simpson Movie
31. Saving face
32. Pride and Prejudice
33. The devil wears prada
34. Little miss sunshine
35. A mighty heart
36. Rent
37. Art school confidential
38. Knock up
39. Before sunrise
40. Before sunset
41. Pan's labyrinth
Series I'd watched in 2007:
1. Friends season 1-10
2. Sex and the city season 1-4
3. Project Runway season 1-3. Season 4 updated to episode 5
4. The L word season 1-4
5. Brothers and sisters season 1. Season 2 updated to episode 9
6. Gossip girl season 1
7. Family Guy [randomly]
8. Everybody loves raymond[randomly]
9. Grey’s anatomy
10. The Ellen DeGeneres show [my favorite talk show]
This is my favorite song in 2007
Daughtry - Over You
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I give thanks to the pilgrims for inventing thanksgiving.
At first they just called it, “Big Thursday”* But then a light bulb went off above one of the pilgrim’s buckle hats and they renamed it. I love Thanksgiving because it’s a holiday that says what it is and is what it says. Even though it says it backwards. It should be called Givingthanks Day. It’s a day of gratitude and what says gratitude more than eating ourselves into a vacant stare and going belly up in a lazyboy? It’s important to say thank you. When someone passes you the mashed potatoes don’t just say “thanks”. Thanks is nothing like thank you. Thanks is saying I don’t have the time to thank you even though it took you all day to make the turkey. You know what’s even better? Saying thank you while you’re giving a big hug.
The day after Thanksgiving, or "Black Friday" as some call it, is a crazy day for shoppers. It's a day for shopaholics to spend time with other shopaholics in their family searching out great deals and generally having lots of fun spending money. Some great tips there. Also if you want to see what's available on Black Friday, I thought this site was pretty handy: Black Friday Ads They have a list of all the sale items from the major retailers, and they let you create a shopping list. It's simple and convenient.
Well, above all, it seems I pretty enjoy my thanksgiving holiday!? We all know that dreams are opposite of reality. In fact, I've gained a lot of homework should be done in these five days, otherwise I will be shot in the final survey. My friend is even busier than me, who said that she swore to mother earth that she will glue to her computer for 5 whole days, and that is the only way she can survive this semester. Damn it! I love holiday but hate being bound to those darn assignments.
Let's go see a movie...after the survey. damn it!!
* Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November in the United States.
** The picture is from the New York Times. I wish I could be there to take some pics though.
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“Closet” is a tricky word, too.
The Oxford English Dictionary states three meanings for the word closet:
First of all, a small room or cupboard used for storing things. Everyone has at least one their own closet. I hate my closet somehow. Maybe it's been empty, without any fancy outfit?! Occassionally, I'd find an oversize jacket I bought from a super on sale vender, out of fashion and tacky though. I wish I could have Miranda's closet, just half of hers will absolutely satisfy me.
Second, a small room for private meetings. Again, I hate meeting. (Do you just figure that I hate “EVERYTHING?”) Especially in this semester, I had too many annoying meetings which usually just took long time but got nothing helpful. I like private date instead, no more than three people. Having company with a good friend has always been fun and relax.
Third, um… what was I going to say? Shit, can't remember. Maybe it will ring the bell later in the night...
Fourth, well... did I just mention there are three definitions? Whatever, all I wanna say is just remind myself get more clothes to fight this coming damn chilly winter. My landlord hasn't turned on the heater controller for this building. Damn! I am about to sue him. It is 54 degree outside, and he said he will turn it on till December. SHIT~one sentence just came into my mind: 把狼的因那西歹料。
Fifth, I suddenly found my lover's picture from my closet. (Was I hallucinating?) Love you love you always...
Sixth, don't ever end a list on an odd number.
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“It's funny how the same word for the feeling of disappointment can be used for the feeling of attraction.”*
The Oxford English Dictionary states one of the meanings for the word crushed as “a strong and unreasoning, but transitory attachment.”
My first year at art school was boring to say at least. But it helped me to appreciate the fundamentals of lonely life. I took a bus with no real place to go. I watched the landscape slowly change as it clung to the last hours of sunlight, before leaving me to get another sleepless night.
It was an accident that I met a person, named “zuzax.” I asked why and what it meant. “It’s just a name.” This was so zuzax, always been answering in the simplest sentence, stingy with any redundant word. For once, I gravitated toward an unknown person. I’ve always wanted to meet a painter or a photographer. I thought it might be something to do with their ability to see beauty in everything, to then capture it, and hang it on a wall for all to see. I figured it invaluable to frozen a moment. zuzax drew expressively, took photograph out of the ordinary; what's more, wrote in a way that I couldn’t help ruminating every single word. It was not serious but hilarious even for a quite boring research paper. It was the first time my heart felt the other meaning of crush.
There was a place that I often went to by myself. It was just behind my office; close enough to still hear the screams and shouts of the tourist enjoying their shopping trips. But at the same time, it felt hidden away from them. I had arranged to take zuzax there, my secret garden.
Getting more company with zuzax(not quite often though), the time of the dates had done nothing to break the ice. The minutes flew into hours, the hours into days. And the days joined the fast rushing river of time. The bad news is that time flies, and the good news is that you're the pilot. Most of my shifts were now spent thinking about zuzax.
Once upon a time, I never wanted to know what love was. zuzax had broken the spell. I drew zuzax endlessly. Over and over. zuzac's pale, satiny skin, and delicate frame. In zuzax's eyes, I could see the world.
Every time I met zuzax, I wished I could've frozen time. I wanted to save that moment. To live in that moment for a week. But I couldn't stop it or slow it. And before I knew it, zuzax was gone. I have no clue how to be an intimate to share everything I saw, especially when I got an extraordinary scene. The more I tried to get close to zuzax, the more I felt zuzax getting far from me. I tried everything. I'd just become immune to be rejected. After sneakily gazing zuzax left, I felt like the last person on earth. And that was another acute crush.
*extended watching:cashback
Thanks sean ellis for coming up such nice words and movies.
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What’s a gay pride parade without muscleboys and drag queens?
Gay Pride Week in Manhattan attracts hundreds of thousands of spectators to a Sunday march down Fifth Avenue on the last full weekend of every June.
The original idea was to commemorate the Stonewall riots — to remind people that this is a struggle for queer rights and that this is our day. But now, a lot of them have expanded to become tourist attractions.
Seriously, I just couldn't get it that what's the connection between gay spirit and posing nude???
How could she climb on the traffic sign?
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This should be pronounced in Mandarin.
“Fan Jian” is a perfect description of my own affections of mind as a friend of mine just told me few days ago. I now finally realized how pathetic I am.
Foo Fighters - Best of You / For the best of you.
I’ve got another confession to make
I’m your fool...
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Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Love the moment when Fran jumped off the cliff, such a touching scene. The transition at the end was even more unpredictable to connect two different sequences. Nice, love it, love Travis.
It almost never turns out like I want it to, is it because I lied when I was seventeen? Sunny days, where have you gone?
Can not close my eyes tonight, just gaze that ripped poster the only thing you left on my empty wall—how have you been up to? Wish I knew how to quit you.
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Please believe me!
You know how much it costs to have your hair cut here in New York? It's f---ing expensive if you wanna ask for a good stylist(who doesn't want to?), it might cost you over $100 dollars or heigher. Otherwise, try China town or flushing. That might be lower, about $45-60(Don't forget to include tips). Still so high for me that I came up with another idea. yeah~ got it? "DIY"!! It's not as hard as I supposed before. Do ya wanna try CH!UR hair salon?
To prove my debut.
well, not that bad, right?! (been hypnotized ^^)
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It was hot today.
Ponderings have been few and far between. Want to know why? It doesn't really matter. Suffice it to say I lost my way, for various reasons.
I had a nice trip to DC lately that reminded me how to see, feel, hear, experience, absorb, slow down and not to think. Also, it gave me a short and sweet glimpse of how things can be. But back to the daily routine, try as I might to hold onto those lessons, I couldn't. The contrast between known elements, between the two sides of the same coin became a bit overwhelming. I worry about my ability to dream AND do. There seems to be some rust on the gearworks (which is not necessarily a bad thing, I have an aesthetic appreciation for rust, but not when it brings the machinery to a halt from disuse).
Getting the ideas out of my head (however insignificant, the ideas I mean, not my head) is a start to making stuff again. The start, that's the hard part, getting past the inertia and excuses and challenges and just MOVING. Mark-making leads to drawing, drawing to painting, painting to painting on things, so of course then one needs to make/build/assemble/alter things to be painted on, and all the better if they whirl, spray, rattle, move about...
"Random displays of seemingly pointless activities..."
But as necessary to Life for some of us as food, water and air.
Have some limeade. It's hot.
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FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUKC FUKC FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUKC FUKC FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUKC FUKC FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
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